kenapa tak suka keluar rumah

            hi again blog. tak tau nak mengadu dekat mana. blog je yang ada. this is my problem; lissa tak nak keluar rumah dan terperap dalam bilik/rumah is a common thing between my neighbors and family and relatives and acquaintances. if someone comes over to my house, i'd lock up myself in my room and get out once they're gone.
           i don't like attending events, ceremonies, nor parties either. don't get me wrong, i'm far from sombong/unfriendly. but it's just.. how shall i put it? hmm you see, when i attend occasions or whatsoever and watch people laughing or having fun, a strange, unwanted, bizarre, unease, anxiety—just name any unpleasant feeling—feeling would creep up that makes me irritated and detest seeing those scenes in front of my eyes (it'll keep replaying when i'm trying to fall asleep too).
          i don't know. it's as if they have something plotted in the back of their minds that are not shown; hidden but they just laugh and have fun in attempt to cover it up. as ridiculous as it may sound but trust me this is what i truly feel. i'm pretty sure you'll be muttering "macam orang lain nak sangat tengok kau" as you read this haha i don't care. i can't pick the exact word to describe how it feels. it's so inexplicable. 
           insecurities. ha, this. it affects our association. lacking confidence in my own self is another reason why i hate keluar rumah. i'm done ranting. bye blog. see you later xoxo